Become the things you loved most about the people who are now gone
This is the women I want to find and fall in love with.
https://youtu.be/JV7c8V5XLk8?si=_3Qv02aM48919wh7
Jason Isbell and the 400 unit - If we were vampires.
I love to share music, music has been a life long best friend to me. These lyrics give me the inspiration that there is more to all this and there might be that one person that makes all those connections.
“It’s not the way you talked me off the roof,
Your questions are more like directions to the truth”
Be like an eagle and fly above the storm clouds
I am talking to my big emotion friends, to the people who think big and dream bigger. If we were a wavelength where we would be the zenith and initially, well we think that is cool and revel in that. Once we find out the wavelength is best balanced in the middle we start to realize just where we are and how eccentric we truly are. The logical ones like us try becoming conscious to this and change to “act” more normal. A huge chunk of the rest are already close to being bat shit crazy already. We feel big, we love big, we hurt huge. We can get destroyed by a glance. Always being in the pocket has it’s downsides. We can write a new movie a day and see inspiration in nothing. We are creatives and intellectuals and teachers and listeners and moms and dads and brothers and sisters. We care more about the person we are talking to than ourselves. These types of us I have a soft spot for. Life can be torturous for this type. These types need to slow down and know they are of great value and loving yourself is not selfish but merely essential. ❤️
There are many types of big emotion people and i connected with many types over the years. I was so lost in who I was that I needed to learn and teach myself who I am. Break and re-create, break and re-create, repeat the process. I never really gave much thought to my life growing up. My life had privilege and sadly that privilege took me through life without slowing down to even ask myself what is this even all about? And when my ex-wife left me was when my life “seemed” to fall apart, well I became a grown boy with a self-realization that I am so blessed to be able to grow consciously and i wanted to give up all my privileges then and there for the new privilege of life and experiencing it for the first time. To learn instantly that life is merely levels of perception and awareness, I control this and operate it, my experiences are my makeup of this world. Be careful with this life because it is not meant to be everywhere. In a heartless cruel world where one wrong turn could change your story and break your path. Here I learnt it is not just about me, I am a role model for my son. I have wasted a lot of my teaching time so I vowed to myself I now will become the man I want my son to be. If I do not teach but show him the ways he will learn quicker. So, I painfully spent 5 years creating and breaking myself. Suicidal thoughts in this period was my pain relief and weed, I enjoyed a-lot of weed for 5 years. That was awesome, I will cherish that period of my life. Hope I can break that stereotype of a weed burnout.
Now I am sober of everything and I am focused on what my goals are now, to be the man I want my Son to grow into and become his mentor and show him how to avoid the jagged cliffs of this world. I want to say I am finished here and say I made my next generation better than mine and if I instill a pay it forward model, I created a self-sustaining environment that will promote my blood to always strive to be better, not the best. Fuck best because that’s ego and we strive to be separate from our egos here. So here I am with a solid plan and just retire and float to where I need to in those days and let go. I am sure at peace with my life when I never stop fighting through my fears, I learnt at my 2 year mark of my 5 year transformation that the only power fear had on me was the fear of fear, well I stopped then being afraid. Then I charged headfirst to doing things I never once thought I could do before and became incrementally better with every hurdle of fear I faced, I wish peace and love to the world. We all need a little less pain and a little more love.
March 9th
I am not one to shy away from any topic, I believe there is truth beyond my own self so that I know my own awareness and ego and try to limit my world around me into logic. There is far too much complexity to be able to understand truth outside my own personal truth’s (which is where people get lost in truth). So I read everything in disbelief until some thing inside me clicks and I need to explore it.
An example of this is that I believe science does in fact compliment God, I believe science is the existence and ultimate proof of God. I also believe that Pi (3.14….) the mathematical equation of Pi is the equation of God. I believe the dogma and religion in the church is fear based love, in which is the opposite in the God i believe in. We have free will and Man has always tried to buy that or control it. God is love and the opposite of fear. I believe when people will get to their “heaven” they will look around and laugh at how easy it could of been, but that makes me sad knowing how hard we have it now. A cycle where the weak are fed off by the strong.
I am not one to shy away from any topic, I believe there is truth beyond my own self so that I know my own awareness and ego and try to limit my world around me into logic. There is far too much complexity to be able to understand truth outside my own personal truth’s (which is where people get lost in truth). So I read everything in disbelief until some thing inside me clicks and I need to explore it.
An example of this is that I believe science does in fact compliment God, I believe science is the existence and ultimate proof of God. I also believe that Pi (3.14….) the mathematical equation of Pi is the equation of God. I believe the dogma and religion in the church is fear based love, in which is the opposite in the God i believe in. We have free will and Man has always tried to buy that or control it. God is love and the opposite of fear. I believe when people will get to their “heaven” they will look around and laugh at how easy it could of been, but that makes me sad knowing how hard we have it now. A cycle where the weak are fed off by the strong.
Life got crazy
With the crazy I want to avoid the fallout, step to the side and watch the ship go down, isolation from this world is my joy, I love going through the woods alone because I know who I am there, and that is the version of myself I love the most.
Sharing the things that inspire me here
https://www.youtube.com/embed/WBzOThUL5dc?si=QwaoF31ajRX11vxF
Am I sleepwalking?
I’ve come to notice certain patterns within myself lately (5-10 years) and every year on Facebook I see reminders from past years and each year showing the same intentions. Made me seem to “live” in a sleepwalking existence, I would start the year off with passion and allow it be stolen from me all year until I was a victim. Well I am not a victim and not learning how to function in the full capacity i can would be an insult to anyone who cannot, and would do anything for that chance. This year I will stop “investing” into others or using that as the excuse and invest in myself and my passions. Instead of going outward for my needs, well, I plan to do this instead and post here and define what art means to me.