Become the things you loved most about the people who are now gone
Ant eyes
Last night I took one shot of one ant and this was a crop of it. My best shot to achieve my personal goals was hit. I showed my Son this picture and he said cool and that was usually the extent it. I was then on social media for a minute and naturally I follow macro shot groups and the first post I saw was so good. I showed my Son and he said “that sucks, thats like 300x better. I am sorry that happened”. Although I love the empathy here I told him to hold up because it was only 250x better to begin with.
I let him know outside of my goals and my own personal accomplishments that it did not matter to me that I saw that, that I wont allow outside influences to sway me from my personal goals.
We chatted about perception and how I can be jealous of how much better those other pictures we saw or I cannot be attached to that jealousy and instead say holy shit nature is so beautiful and revel in that instead.
Sisters
Past weekend i had my sisters over to my place to cook and clean for them.
Take the duties they do away from them, ironically enough i had an issue that wont allow me to use my camera for 2-3 weeks. :(
I hope i wont push myself and aggravate it. I know i will! Anyways, i was upset that i wasnt able to do it the way i planned and say a decade ago I would have possibly looked for an excuse to cancel it. Well I didnt and the didnt have to cook or clean and I worked at half my abilities so thats like i guess 100 mortal level , lol.
Anyways it was a great time to see I wasnt the only one the grew up all twisted lol. We were able to all find common ground and enjoy our relationship (we havent really ever done anything like this before, just the 3 of us.) excited for the next time
Stinging nettle
More beautiful then i expected, look but dont touch ;)
Stinging nettle is beautiful
My quality sucks
I love finding out i suck, truly. I am high functioning on life and have a hard time slowing down.
My photography suffers, yet I am ok with it,I take great shots and rush edits with too much AI to strip the sharpness and quality.
Yet in a way i share and not achieve ego boosts, i feel its halfway, i do not want praise, i am sharing nature and we all own that.
this is a shot of my pic on the screen before editing to show the detail i let
go of.
Last night
If you lack confidence in yourself, you will overcompensate in control.
Separate yourself from all non genuine versions of your past. Grow into yourself and this creates your confidence.
Success
Success to me is simply put is failing and trying again differently. Failure to me is not trying it again differently,
Insanity to me is expecting different results for trying the same equation.
I spouted this most of my life.
Success to me now is an ever relentless fight against fear. The success I see with my relationship with my Son is the security I need to know I am on the right path.
Adults are egotistical and ignorant imo,
My life goal is truly be a emotionally mature adult that my son learns through osmosis. Be real and honest and vulnerable to him. Showcase my shortcomings because he is such a mini me he will stumble just the same and safe guard against what i accepted. That I am human, a man, not perfect and thats ok. I need to be real and genuine. This is when i flourish. Self follow a path of acceptance and knowing it is ok. We all matter, we are all not seen, but our needs are all the same. We all have highs and lows and noone is above or below either or these. Just the quickest way to see who has privilege and/or principles if we listen to the words.
As I teach my Son (10) if everyone is special that means noone is special. That sounded horrible so version 2 was we are all special but what makes you unique, plant seeds and water frequently. Our kids are our future, we fail them and not the other way around.
We blame the kids instead of truly placing the blame where it belongs on every single adult. Period.
Past few months
For the past few months I have kept to myself mostly and internalized a lot. I have learnt how to accept and in this the art of letting go.
I have taken thousands of photos i may see or not. I have even stopped using the editing software to slow down and find my own style. I started to edit in photoshop for the first time and I have focus and vision.
Canadian flag
So today at work in the afternoon I went for a walk and I walked by a house that had a Canadian flag posted but something was off and I couldn’t put my finger on it right away, it was an oddly windy day which made the flag just impossible to see naturally because I needed to know what was off about it. Then I saw it, the maple leaf was upside down, truly one of the first times I have experienced this and I emotionally overreacted.
Anger instantly filled me and yeah I did what any mature adult would do and I gave the house the finger. I was mad and I even thought I will do this every time I walk by this house which 2x a work day and then had the audacity to feel like a proud Canadian, but the whole walk back I didn’t feel proud, I felt shame instead. I heard “let them” in my head and i then had to have a chat with chat gpt about it. This was a wonderful conversation truly but this line here is what stopped me:
“ Is your middle finger about protecting what you love, or is it about punishing someone for not sharing your way of loving it?”
That was all I needed, I was in the wrong and I was so not proud, I am sorry I did do it now and will learn from this and grow. I was more upset they did not agree with my point of view. That shit is just not ok.
I will learn from this and try to become more observant than a moron in the future.
I felt it was worth noting here. Plus some cool bugs!
Macro
This was about the size of a grain of rice, it was curious and watching me not flying away and why i got such a great shot. We shared about 5 minutes on my lunch and this fly gave me so much happiness.
I had genuine smiles in a nothing garden of some random church in middle the of nowhere.
These are now the moments of my life that are deep to me. Intimacy with nature.
Thunder and lightning storm
Did not expect one today but here we are, took my son down to a basketball court and snapped this on the way out
Something from nothing
Dollar store glasses on a dollar store rack and light from a power bar. Life is perception so do not be deceived in you’re one chance at life. See what you want to see and live what you need to live (as long as you do not hurt others)
Room to grow
Once my Son when he was 6-7 said to me, “Dad! How can I grow if you do not give me room to grow” that rocked me and gave me a new perception after that to see where life can persist when it should not usually. Where we grow if we gave ourselves room?
Cut off metal pipe in a random parking lot.
