Lost in love that is lost

To fall in love, is it the feeling itself? The security or the idea of who I am when I am with her. Or is it all a fallacy where I endlessly search for an illusion based on impossible realities? I do feel a lot of people are beyond a level where they are ready for a good healthy relationship and are landmines. There are too many invisible issues and societal rules for success these days imo. I have found success in instead of investing my efforts into others to instead invest in myself while trying not being too jaded. I used to wear negativity like a warm wool knit sweater, now i know positivity is a choice. Even in my friendships (which are still relationships to me) I want to be a positive force in helping people in whatever service I can be without being taken advantage of. But yeah sadly enough people do not slow down enough and process their emotions enough. Its not the best hobby but its oil for an engine if you care about performance.