Become the things you loved most about the people who are now gone
Inevitable future
An aspect I love about life is the inevitable future and the same possibility between hope and horror can/could happen. The only difference between the two is our interpretation of it and where we are mentally within ourselves. Show up daily for yourself and the path is laid out before you imo. That is the difference to me I find is the difference between doing and being. You plan to do but if you just be it is your baseline. What will you be?
An aspect I love about life is the inevitable future and the same possibility between hope and horror can/could happen. The only difference between the two is our interpretation of it and where we are mentally within ourselves. Show up daily for yourself and the path is laid out before you imo. That is the difference to me I find is the difference between doing and being. You plan to do but if you just be it is your baseline. What will you be?
Justin
Last week I lost a co-worker who was close to my age unexpectedly (in recent times he beat Cancer), if you ever met him He was larger then life and always so positive and I who as someone who lives largely inside myself well. Justin was that type of person that had a nuance for knowing how to extract only the goodness out of you. We worked in different departments and had different circles of people. He invited me to a thing they did in the engineering department in which I gained interest in, on a file cabinet we would draw with a sharpie a bulls eye or as the game progressed we had evolved the game to keep it fresh and fun we had bonus targets with higher points but bigger risks. We had a line with tape on the floor and you could not cross it or your throw is disqualified and once a week the Engineers and I (I work IT) and Justin would send calendar invites to me to try it and I showed up and I loved it (because I did good right away, lol) and kept going back week after week and we then made it a thing and it attracted people from 5 to about 20 people per week, enough that it was taken so long to complete we thought management would say something soon, so the game right, ha sorry, lost in great memories, The game was simple, we would try to find the best magnet (the ones for EAP where the best and we stole them all around the office for our game, must of looked funny on the outside of that and we throw the magnets from like 10 feet away at a bullseye on a metal file cabinet and you get 3 throws and your combined score of all 3 would be your score, the top score would get to keep the W.M.D.C. (World’s Magic Dart Champion) trophy for the week, also if you did have the trophy you were able to print and picture of you that you wanted and could use these special awesome winners magnets, sometimes people would use your magnets with your picture thinking the magnets were better, and yes I have had this trophy many times and held the records for most consecutive weeks (3 in a row). We continued this until Covid hit and it never came back, maybe this is exactly what does need to come back at work in honor of a Man who only chose to see the good side to things, I have become better by only being around you, I wish you peace and love Justin.
Last week I lost a co-worker who was close to my age unexpectedly (in recent times he beat Cancer), if you ever met him He was larger then life and always so positive and I who as someone who lives largely inside myself well. Justin was that type of person that had a nuance for knowing how to extract only the goodness out of you. We worked in different departments and had different circles of people. He invited me to a thing they did in the engineering department in which I gained interest in, on a file cabinet we would draw with a sharpie a bulls eye or as the game progressed we had evolved the game to keep it fresh and fun we had bonus targets with higher points but bigger risks. We had a line with tape on the floor and you could not cross it or your throw is disqualified and once a week the Engineers and I (I work IT) and Justin would send calendar invites to me to try it and I showed up and I loved it (because I did good right away, lol) and kept going back week after week and we then made it a thing and it attracted people from 5 to about 20 people per week, enough that it was taken so long to complete we thought management would say something soon, so the game right, ha sorry, lost in great memories, The game was simple, we would try to find the best magnet (the ones for EAP where the best and we stole them all around the office for our game, must of looked funny on the outside of that and we throw the magnets from like 10 feet away at a bullseye on a metal file cabinet and you get 3 throws and your combined score of all 3 would be your score, the top score would get to keep the W.M.D.C. (World’s Magic Dart Champion) trophy for the week, also if you did have the trophy you were able to print and picture of you that you wanted and could use these special awesome winners magnets, sometimes people would use your magnets with your picture thinking the magnets were better, and yes I have had this trophy many times and held the records for most consecutive weeks (3 in a row). We continued this until Covid hit and it never came back, maybe this is exactly what does need to come back at work in honor of a Man who only chose to see the good side to things, I have become better by only being around you, I wish you peace and love Justin.
Fireflies makes me believe in the magic of nature
This is one of my top 10 photos (which actually is a still taken from a video) on a night that was both magic and tears. I will try to top this one this year.
This is one of my top 10 photos (which actually is a still shot taken from a video) on a night that was both magic and tears. I will try to top this one this year.
Tonight was a dream
I took about 50 photos today and only looked at these 2 picture panoramic (2 picture’s blended together to make a long landscape). This shot is off my backyard into the back field by my property overlooking the world’s highest tides in the world, It always amazes me that I can see through my 150-600 mm lens in a Canon 90D which equates simply to 900 mm telephoto lens and that I can see mist dancing off the ocean in the sunset in my viewfinder, I am just amazed that every single time I witness it, I should try to find some of those shots and see if I did it justice and post them here. Well here is tonight’s efforts This is on my 150mm-600 Lens but on a full sensor Canon R5. Cheers world!
I took about 50 photos today and only looked at these 2 picture panoramic (2 picture’s blended together to make a long landscape). This shot is off my backyard into the back field by my property overlooking the world’s highest tides in the world, It always amazes me that I can see through my 150-600 mm lens in a Canon 90D which equates simply to 900 mm telephoto lens and that I can see mist dancing off the ocean in the sunset in my viewfinder, I am just amazed that every single time I witness it, I should try to find some of those shots and see if I did it justice and post them here. Well here is tonight’s efforts This is on my 150mm-600 Lens but on a full sensor Canon R5. Cheers world!
My lil ole big boy
I am sitting here this evening, getting a little bit nervous about having a chat with my son. He really is so much like me in every way. I feel that it is one of two things… either he is imitating me, or he is simply a younger version of me. Here we go…
He is growing and developing, but he is nervous to be outward (so everything is inward). What I mean by this is that he lives inside his head and creates his own heavens and hells (speculating here). I felt I had done the same thing myself growing up. I created better worlds in my head than the reality of the crappy ways people treat other people on this earth here, so I would imagine I was there, in my imagined daydreaming world.
So anyways, I felt it was not that I did not “get it”. If I was shown different things, then possibly I would have been more interactive. I realized this only over the past few years. So, I want to present the situation to my son, to go online and buy him a man’s grooming kit to hopefully spark an interest in taking better care of himself. I have a picture of him when he was 4 shaving with foam and a plastic razor. As well as videos of me shaving his peach fuzz at 5-6 with a real razor and calling him a man and he beamed ear to ear. My heart is full of an endless beat like a perpetual laser beam of love to him. He is my everything.
Since writing this we have both got the same Men’s grooming kit and with like 40-50 pieces I will need to learn some myself and we will go over this together.
He was the one the pressed the checkout button to know he was interested, and He is excited about sharing this together
I am sitting here this evening, getting a little bit nervous about having a chat with my son. He really is so much like me in every way. I feel that it is one of two things… either he is imitating me, or he is simply a younger version of me. Here we go…
He is growing and developing, but he is nervous to be outward (so everything is inward). What I mean by this is that he lives inside his head and creates his own heavens and hells (speculating here). I felt I had done the same thing myself growing up. I created better worlds in my head than the reality of the crappy ways people treat other people on this earth here, so I would imagine I was there, in my imagined daydreaming world.
So anyways, I felt it was not that I did not “get it”. If I was shown different things, then possibly I would have been more interactive. I realized this only over the past few years. So, I want to present the situation to my son, to go online and buy him a man’s grooming kit to hopefully spark an interest in taking better care of himself. I have a picture of him when he was 4 shaving with foam and a plastic razor. As well as videos of me shaving his peach fuzz at 5-6 with a real razor and calling him a man and he beamed ear to ear. My heart is full of an endless beat like a perpetual laser beam of love to him. He is my everything.
Since writing this we have both got the same Men’s grooming kit and with like 40-50 pieces I will need to learn some myself and we will go over this together.
He was the one the pressed the checkout button to know he was interested, and He is excited about sharing this together
Little bit of what I am about photography wise
I do not watermark; not one of my photos or ever will, I share nature with anyone who want’s to partake and watermarking just doesn’t work for me, to me it is all about nature and less about me and that is my sweet spot.
Whats good?
Fenne Lily - What’s good
https://youtu.be/UWdlyAgqhOQ?si=pMUVpVdJjg-RVrqO
“You take the words right out of me
But it feels alright to let this be
And I know what I want
But I know what I'll lose
Finding this is hard
Fighting this is new
Tell me why good things die
Stay the night
'Cause I need this more than I knew
More than I'd like
More than you do
'Cause I need this more than I knew
More than I'd like to“
Fenne Lily - What’s good
https://youtu.be/UWdlyAgqhOQ?si=pMUVpVdJjg-RVrqO
“You take the words right out of me
But it feels alright to let this be
And I know what I want
But I know what I'll lose
Finding this is hard
Fighting this is new
Tell me why good things die
Stay the night
'Cause I need this more than I knew
More than I'd like
More than you do
'Cause I need this more than I knew
More than I'd like to“
Contemplation
i needed to contemplate some things yesterday and this was where that happened. Life to me is like a play with many acts and scenes and I am trying in ways to make the transitions more seamless for myself.
i needed to contemplate some things yesterday and this was where that happened. Life to me is like a play with many acts and scenes and I am trying in ways to make the transitions more seamless for myself.
Must share music and why
These 3 songs have always given me an infinite amounts of equal but different happiness….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcW5PNk6bsQ Dermot Kennedy - An Evening I Will Not Forget/Furthest Thing
“I still love you, though
I still love you, though
I still love you always
So hold me when I'm home
Keep the evenings long
Crack and break and part ways
I still love you, though
I still love you, though
I still love you always
So hold me when I'm home
Keep the evenings long
Let's not crack and break and part ways
And I wonder if I could let her down”
https://youtu.be/bv5RuxhBEqk?si=ORkS78dVfPs6SQlN KALEO - Backbone (LIVE at Breiðarmerkurjökull)
“Hold the line, yeah
Do you fight for pride or glory?
Do you hold your scars close to your heart?
Fall behind, yeah
Who will live to tell your story?
You were taught to leave no man behind”
https://youtu.be/IUK_2YLow6M?si=s3E0dADMJIsyQ7qN Juke Ross - Colour Me (Acoustic)
“You, colour me
You colour my soul
Paint me red in places once filled with gold
You, colour me
You colour my soul
Make me dream of things I never did once before”
These 3 songs have always given me an infinite amounts of equal but different happiness….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcW5PNk6bsQ Dermot Kennedy - An Evening I Will Not Forget/Furthest Thing
“I still love you, though
I still love you, though
I still love you always
So hold me when I'm home
Keep the evenings long
Crack and break and part ways
I still love you, though
I still love you, though
I still love you always
So hold me when I'm home
Keep the evenings long
Let's not crack and break and part ways
And I wonder if I could let her down”
https://youtu.be/bv5RuxhBEqk?si=ORkS78dVfPs6SQlN KALEO - Backbone (LIVE at Breiðarmerkurjökull)
“Hold the line, yeah
Do you fight for pride or glory?
Do you hold your scars close to your heart?
Fall behind, yeah
Who will live to tell your story?
You were taught to leave no man behind”
https://youtu.be/IUK_2YLow6M?si=s3E0dADMJIsyQ7qN Juke Ross - Colour Me (Acoustic)
“You, colour me
You colour my soul
Paint me red in places once filled with gold
You, colour me
You colour my soul
Make me dream of things I never did once before”
Shooting the moon
Tonight my Son (10) and I took our camera(s) outside to shoot the moon (see photos for the shots), it was the first time he has shown interest and was so happy to have taken the shot (blurry not shown) that nothing mattered. It was enough gumption to inspire him to wake up tomorrow at 4 am and drive an hour to the ocean to watch the red moon go down over cape split and then watch the sunrise happen over the ocean. Hot chocolate for sure with minus temps overnight still.
Life is good!
Tonight my Son (10) and I took our camera(s) outside to shoot the moon (see photos for the shots), it was the first time he has shown interest and was so happy to have taken the shot (blurry not shown) that nothing mattered. It was enough gumption to inspire him to wake up tomorrow at 4 am and drive an hour to the ocean to watch the red moon go down over cape split and then watch the sunrise happen over the ocean. Hot chocolate for sure with minus temps overnight still.
Life is good!
This is the women I want to find and fall in love with.
https://youtu.be/JV7c8V5XLk8?si=_3Qv02aM48919wh7
Jason Isbell and the 400 unit - If we were vampires.
I love to share music, music has been a life long best friend to me. These lyrics give me the inspiration that there is more to all this and there might be that one person that makes all those connections.
“It’s not the way you talked me off the roof,
Your questions are more like directions to the truth”
Be like an eagle and fly above the storm clouds
I am talking to my big emotion friends, to the people who think big and dream bigger. If we were a wavelength where we would be the zenith and initially, well we think that is cool and revel in that. Once we find out the wavelength is best balanced in the middle we start to realize just where we are and how eccentric we truly are. The logical ones like us try becoming conscious to this and change to “act” more normal. A huge chunk of the rest are already close to being bat shit crazy already. We feel big, we love big, we hurt huge. We can get destroyed by a glance. Always being in the pocket has it’s downsides. We can write a new movie a day and see inspiration in nothing. We are creatives and intellectuals and teachers and listeners and moms and dads and brothers and sisters. We care more about the person we are talking to than ourselves. These types of us I have a soft spot for. Life can be torturous for this type. These types need to slow down and know they are of great value and loving yourself is not selfish but merely essential. ❤️
There are many types of big emotion people and i connected with many types over the years. I was so lost in who I was that I needed to learn and teach myself who I am. Break and re-create, break and re-create, repeat the process. I never really gave much thought to my life growing up. My life had privilege and sadly that privilege took me through life without slowing down to even ask myself what is this even all about? And when my ex-wife left me was when my life “seemed” to fall apart, well I became a grown boy with a self-realization that I am so blessed to be able to grow consciously and i wanted to give up all my privileges then and there for the new privilege of life and experiencing it for the first time. To learn instantly that life is merely levels of perception and awareness, I control this and operate it, my experiences are my makeup of this world. Be careful with this life because it is not meant to be everywhere. In a heartless cruel world where one wrong turn could change your story and break your path. Here I learnt it is not just about me, I am a role model for my son. I have wasted a lot of my teaching time so I vowed to myself I now will become the man I want my son to be. If I do not teach but show him the ways he will learn quicker. So, I painfully spent 5 years creating and breaking myself. Suicidal thoughts in this period was my pain relief and weed, I enjoyed a-lot of weed for 5 years. That was awesome, I will cherish that period of my life. Hope I can break that stereotype of a weed burnout.
Now I am sober of everything and I am focused on what my goals are now, to be the man I want my Son to grow into and become his mentor and show him how to avoid the jagged cliffs of this world. I want to say I am finished here and say I made my next generation better than mine and if I instill a pay it forward model, I created a self-sustaining environment that will promote my blood to always strive to be better, not the best. Fuck best because that’s ego and we strive to be separate from our egos here. So here I am with a solid plan and just retire and float to where I need to in those days and let go. I am sure at peace with my life when I never stop fighting through my fears, I learnt at my 2 year mark of my 5 year transformation that the only power fear had on me was the fear of fear, well I stopped then being afraid. Then I charged headfirst to doing things I never once thought I could do before and became incrementally better with every hurdle of fear I faced, I wish peace and love to the world. We all need a little less pain and a little more love.
March 9th
I am not one to shy away from any topic, I believe there is truth beyond my own self so that I know my own awareness and ego and try to limit my world around me into logic. There is far too much complexity to be able to understand truth outside my own personal truth’s (which is where people get lost in truth). So I read everything in disbelief until some thing inside me clicks and I need to explore it.
An example of this is that I believe science does in fact compliment God, I believe science is the existence and ultimate proof of God. I also believe that Pi (3.14….) the mathematical equation of Pi is the equation of God. I believe the dogma and religion in the church is fear based love, in which is the opposite in the God i believe in. We have free will and Man has always tried to buy that or control it. God is love and the opposite of fear. I believe when people will get to their “heaven” they will look around and laugh at how easy it could of been, but that makes me sad knowing how hard we have it now. A cycle where the weak are fed off by the strong.
I am not one to shy away from any topic, I believe there is truth beyond my own self so that I know my own awareness and ego and try to limit my world around me into logic. There is far too much complexity to be able to understand truth outside my own personal truth’s (which is where people get lost in truth). So I read everything in disbelief until some thing inside me clicks and I need to explore it.
An example of this is that I believe science does in fact compliment God, I believe science is the existence and ultimate proof of God. I also believe that Pi (3.14….) the mathematical equation of Pi is the equation of God. I believe the dogma and religion in the church is fear based love, in which is the opposite in the God i believe in. We have free will and Man has always tried to buy that or control it. God is love and the opposite of fear. I believe when people will get to their “heaven” they will look around and laugh at how easy it could of been, but that makes me sad knowing how hard we have it now. A cycle where the weak are fed off by the strong.
Life got crazy
With the crazy I want to avoid the fallout, step to the side and watch the ship go down, isolation from this world is my joy, I love going through the woods alone because I know who I am there, and that is the version of myself I love the most.
Sharing the things that inspire me here
https://www.youtube.com/embed/WBzOThUL5dc?si=QwaoF31ajRX11vxF
Am I sleepwalking?
I’ve come to notice certain patterns within myself lately (5-10 years) and every year on Facebook I see reminders from past years and each year showing the same intentions. Made me seem to “live” in a sleepwalking existence, I would start the year off with passion and allow it be stolen from me all year until I was a victim. Well I am not a victim and not learning how to function in the full capacity i can would be an insult to anyone who cannot, and would do anything for that chance. This year I will stop “investing” into others or using that as the excuse and invest in myself and my passions. Instead of going outward for my needs, well, I plan to do this instead and post here and define what art means to me.